This year, under the weight of the pandemic (amongst other traumatic events), I've spent an increasing amount of time working on my mental fitness. With a widening spotlight on rising stars like Naomi Osaka who has quickly become the face of mental health, corporations that have begun to support mental health benefits, and an overall attention to mental stamina from friends and family, I know I'm not alone in saying that mental health has earned a place in everyday life just like going to the gym.

Although it's clear that mental health has played a critical role in human existence since our first thoughts, I have not personally had a good relationship with my mind. My mentality, largely cultivated by my immigrant parent upbringing, instilled an unwavering determination and a "never settle for less" attitude. As a second-generation Asian American, I was raised by parents that had limited resources when they first stepped foot in America. This lack of physical ownership, language comprehension, and general financial opportunity are what they used as motivation to create the space they needed.

At the same time, while persistence and tenacity are both valuable traits, there are limitations to this "at all costs" mentality that many first-generation Asian immigrants face and pass on to their children. Although it seems trivial to compare the pursuits of the average American to Olympic-level athletes, it's important to note that taking breaks is a necessity for every person.

Each day, we're forced to make countless decisions — from the clothes we wear to the meal we prepare, the decision to exercise, or even more overwhelming questions like whether we should cancel our travel plans, reschedule weddings, or eat out in restaurants because of the looming fear of Covid-19 super-spreader events.

These countless decisions tire us and irritate us. We're unable to handle the unrelenting needs of our environment and our people so we push things off, put them in the back of our minds, often frustrated with ourselves for not being able to do the laundry, or exercise, or make dinner, or meditate, and the list goes on.

What Are Mental Allowances?

While trying to understand why I was irritated with a simple email I received this week, I turned to my wife and said "I wish X would do Y. It's their responsibility to follow-up." In fact, throughout the month, I've found myself making general statements like, "It would be nice if people would do what they're supposed to do."

Most times, she'd simply asked me why I didn't just initiate rather than festering on the lack of response. My response was often that I didn't want to and I didn't have the energy to follow up at the time.

I needed a break.

Instead of forcing myself to spring into action and take care of every little to-do on my growing list of reminders, I decided to give myself an allowance.

Every day, I give myself a mental allowance - an arbitrary number of coins/credits/tokens that I can use to take care of my responsibilities. Although the same can be said of physical allowances, it's easier to understand physical tiredness and limitations compared to mental tiredness and limitations. We'll get there soon.

For situations like the one above, it's crucial to check my daily allowance and ask, "Do I have enough tokens to handle another email, tackle another small change, or even consider working through a large task?" If you don't have enough tokens, the answer is simply no — save it for tomorrow.

While each task may be different, require a different number of tokens, or require several steps, the metaphor still holds. If something takes priority, give it your full allowance for the day. If it doesn't, only give it a few or save it for another day. Spread yourself evenly, taking responsibilities and deadlines into account. Don't overspend because you don't get advances. And most importantly, pay it forward when you have tokens to spare.