Why Ask Yourself Why?

In any society, it's impossible to avoid conflict on a daily basis. Whether it's conflict at home, problems at work, or even new exciting opportunities, conflicts and resolutions are a part of everyday life.

As a freshly-minted therapy-goer, I learned about a new tool to deal with internal and external problems — a psychology tool called a Thought Record. In laymen's terms, it's a framework that helps people deescalate automatic, negative thoughts through the practice of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). The framework encourages resolution through introspection and thoughtfulness. By analyzing automatic thoughts and organizing these thoughts into 7 columns, it becomes easier to understand external and internal actors and employ empathy in the process of resolution.

Take for example an argument with a significant other. What may begin as an argument over what to eat for dinner, would get funneled through the 7 stages of thought recording, with each stage getting progressively more introspective and empathetic:

1. Situation - what is the argument in clear, basic terms

2. Moods - what specific feelings do you have, rated on a scale of 1-10

3. Automatic Thoughts - what are your "hot thoughts" in this argument

4. Evidence For - what part of the argument supports your hot thought

5. Evidence Against - what part of the argument does not support your hot thought (or supports the other perspective)

6. Balanced Thoughts - how do you feel now after going through 4 & 5

7. Moods - with respect to the feelings in 2, how do you rate them now

With enough practice and repetition, this process becomes second nature — moving from a rigorous writing process to an effortless thought exercise. While I've found this practice particularly helpful in my personal life, it's also become a tool that I use in professional settings.

Thought Record Takeaways

I wanted to make the Thought Record a faster exercise so I analyzed the framework and reduced it into several key takeaways:

• Actively writing out the scenario through the Thought Record helped produced situational recognition and allowed me to remove myself from my overwhelmed state of automatic thoughts

• Reading through each column helped me uncover deeper issues beneath the surface level emotions — e.g. anxious is not descriptive, why do I feel anxious and is there something underpinning the feeling

• Approaching column 5 requires introspective and empathetic understanding. Surfacing evidence that does not support "hot thoughts" helps to wash away personal biases and reframe the interaction from the opposing perspective (whether internal or external)

• Writing what comes to mind first and foremost in each column is a valuable method of reflection, but taking the time to explore and revisit moods in column 6 uncovers underlying issues that may be causing flare-ups

During the analysis, as I reduced the framework into a practical exercise of self-awareness, a pattern emerged that I continue to apply even months after the realization.

3 Why's

I've grown to like the 3 Why's Framework. Not only has it encouraged a thoughtful mindset that regularly challenges long-held assumptions, but it promotes deep exploration into the externalities and impacts beyond the immediate problem at hand.

Asking the 3 Why's is a memorable process that has helped me confront self-doubt and anxiety, address workplace conflicts, and consult on new ideas or business concepts. Asking yourself "why" 3 times will help you get to the root of your desires or the basis for interpersonal conflict.

1. Personal Scenario

• I'm stressed.

• Why do you feel stressed?

• Because I have a deadline.

• Why do you have a deadline?

• Because I've decided that I want to create a blog post once a week.

• Why do you need to create a blog post once a week?

• Because I think it will help me build an audience.

At the end of this exercise, I realized my weekly stress over contributing a post to my blog was motivated by ego. The desire to attract a larger audience to read my writing wasn't rooted in my desire to learn and grow as a writer and researcher but in my desire to influence people.

2. Professional Scenario

• I think cities should use tools to collect more data on their streets.

• Why?

• Cities have trouble understanding everything that goes on in the streets, yet people often have complaints about how policies are written and often feel underserved.

• Why?

• Cities don't have enough data. With more data about how people move, policymakers can make better decisions about roads and transportation.

• Why?

• Data can show where people go, how often they stay, and how they get there. When people move around more efficiently, it reduces congestion, prioritizes use for people and businesses during different times of the day, and improves travel time.

At the end of this process, if you still have an answer to the Why, you may be onto something. If your convictions hold true, you may be onto something.

I've run through this exercise many times, even earlier in my career at Propeller when clients came to us hoping to build the next big dating app, chat app, or productivity tool. Often the first question I asked was "Why build X?" — and if they didn't have an answer after the 3rd Why, maybe there was a reason.